Remembering Rita
Rita, Walter and Diane
Reunited at last
Here’s some family memories
A little blast from the past
Barry White songs fill the house as she cleans
Turkish night club adventures
Earning her the name disco queen
Taking her girls to London
To sight see the city
Twisting Jock’s arm to learn to drive
Oh what a pity
Micra and fiesta adventures
Made many of us laugh
Just as much as when Walter
Mistook her potatoes for instant mash
This power house woman drove her daughter in labour
Through stormy weather, what a saviour
Through her loss she found love
Teddy bear was the apple of her eye
As were her feline friends
Later in life
Karate chop curtain falls and stair lift rides
Always resulting in a grandchild beaming with pride
Summer house, home cooked chips
And playing dominoes
Getting myself trapped in the downstairs loo
Door breakdown, everyone full of oh O’s
Braving college and solo holidays
Who would have thought
Ever changing hair colour
Every cleaning product she bought
Singing while she hoovers
‘Cutting apples’ in the car
Feeding the kids mini pizzas and frozen mars bars
With her avid QVC shipping
The postie soon learnt her name
A massive Martina Cole book fan
Who could blame
Now I’ll close this poem
Sending all our love
Hoping you’re some place better
Or looking down from above
Mother, grandma, great gran
And friend to plenty
Rita Richardson
You’ll be missed by many
Last night
Last night
You were here
Holding my hand in bed before we fell asleep
Last night
I heard you tell me you love me
Last night
I felt you arms around me
Your face pressed up against mine beaming with delight
I’ve been trying to fill the void that is our memories
I’ve been tuning out the words you once whispered
But my heart hasn’t forgotten
Each thump reminding me
Each gasp even more breathing taking than the next
In another time and space
You’re in love with an idea of us
An alternate universe
Where you don’t get angry
And I don’t cry
Where we laugh
And smile
Where I’m always calm
And you don’t lie
You’re in love with a girl
That doesn’t exist
One who’s happiness persists
You’re in love with an idea
That’s counterproductive
Painful and soul destructive
With a heavy heart
Just because someone carries pain well
Doesn’t mean it’s not heavy
You shouldn’t have to suffer
Before you’re appreciated or loved
Someone should want you as you are
You shouldn’t have to continuously remind someone why you should be loved
What your worth
To make you a priority
Don’t beg for their heart, time or consideration
It will end in two losses, they lose you and you lose your former self
Fresh eyes
You’re telling me of your pain
How much you’re hurting
How difficult things are
Pointless apologies
As you don’t even know why you’re sorry
Vague thank yous
Appreciation for things you can’t even list
You don’t miss me
You miss what I did for you
Things are difficult
Because you miss the company
And having someone to care
It’s a selfish kind of pain
You haven’t acknowledged your loss
You haven’t reflected on why
You haven’t dug deep and thought about anyone but yourself
I’m looking deep though
I’m watering myself
And watching myself grow
Blooming
I’m understanding my flaws
Being honest with myself
Not rushing anymore
I’m becoming the right person
Not looking for one
Finding things that make me happy
Setting the bar high
For myself and my future
I’m civil and polite to you
I care still so wish you the best but I don’t need to tell you that
You know from my actions and the many times I told you
Thank you for all the memories
All the pain that made me stronger
And the lessons you taught me
I have no hate
I’m just investing all that love in myself these days
Garden her
No one has to understand your choices
Your anger
Your pain
Your happiness
Focus on a better life
A better you
Do all the things you really want to do
In elation
And in fear
Hold hands with fate
Take the rough with the smooth
Let life just happen
The struggles melt away
Change the environment
And watch this flower bloom
I am trying
I am insecure
I am scared
I do make excuses
I do take things too personally
I can be unreasonable
I can be exasperating
I do argue
And take things the wrong way
I talk way too much
And go over things, wanting clarity when the other person just wants it to be done
When I’m frustrated, I don’t listen
I interrupt, raise my voice
Sometimes I don’t think before I speak
I’m bad at articulating myself
I’m an anxious person
I overthink
I sometimes don’t give people enough space
I ask for reassurance a lot which can hurt people
I cry when I’m angry, mainly with myself
Nobody criticises me the way I do
I am human
I am always willing to grow
I do want to be better and change
I reflect all the time
I try to come up with solutions even if I struggle to always execute them well
I love fiercely
I want to see people happy even if that means them not wanting to be in my life
I will hold my hands up
I am trying to learn from my mistakes
I am trying to learn self love
I am trying
How are you today
On her worst days
She almost dies inside
Holding her breath
No time to bide
On her bad days
She can’t even bear her reflection
No good deed or compliment
Will change her perception
On the okay days
She gives a half hearted smile
Tries to listen to her head
And not let her mind run a mile
On the good days
She doesn’t fake a smile
She doesn’t force a laugh
Or let her thoughts linger for a while
On the great days
She feels she deserves to be loved
She stands up for herself
Telling the world she’s enough
On the best days
She’s on top of the world
Thinks just about herself
Like she’s the only girl
Wanderlust
Wandering foreign lands
Lost in thought
Trying to lose deadweight
Peace is sought
Acknowledging the bravery
Of being hundreds of miles away from home
Shedding any anxiety
Of feeling alone
Big ventures feeling so small
Fleeting comments seem to explode
So much beauty passes those eyes
Make sure you keep them open wide
Be present
Be mindful
Be here
This is the life worth living
Wander lustfully
Live big
Burden
We used to pick each other up
Elevate each other to different dimensions
Fighting the good fight
The dream team
You looked into my eyes with purpose
And we told each other how lucky we were to have found one another
The way I feel hasn’t wavered
Pretty sure I’d stay all day, all night
You are my best friend
I trust you with my life
My heart is heavy
I can feel we’re both lost
I just want you to reach out for my hand
And we’ll go wandering into the dark night together
You sob is so bittersweet
It’s the first time I have felt you feel rawly in months
But my heart aches hearing you choke up
And apologise
I realise
You’re just as exhausted as me
You just have a better poker face
You play a good game
I almost bought into your bluff
You’re drained and tired of being the only one leaned on
Like me, the weight on your shoulders has started to ache
The responsibility starts to lacerate
No quiet
Not one second to breathe
Feel like you could burst
With nothing to appease
Finding sanctuary
His squinty, smiling eyes
trace the shape of her rouged mouth
As his lips curl up
she leans in closer
Pressing her head against his chest
He runs his fingers through her hair
which washes over her
Like the tide over golden sands
This is her haven
A little piece of paradise
Within her local hell
Communicating
through a shared silence
and telling facial expressions
It feels like a bubble
Muting the outside chaos
That has been boiling up
This company
Halts the disorder
Putting it on a simmer
As his hands run up
along her side
She feels every word
He’s never said
Stroked on her skin
How he paints on this glow
With nothing more than a smile
She’ll never know
Anchored
Like a child with a balloon
I’ve reached out more times than you know
As we’ve felt the wind pushing us apart
I’ve held my breath
Anxious and scared
When I’m at the peak
And start to feel everything tumble
Just being close to you
One breath on my neck
Hand on my leg
Clasp of my hand
And I’m grounded
The safest place is by your side
When you lay next to me
Holding my hand as we drift off
I never want to let go
Art
I feel your hot breath
As we lock eyes
Our bodies touch
Feeling hypnotised
Hands clasped
You pull me close
Feeling almost
Comatose
Skin tingles
Pounding hearts
Chest to chest
The tension starts
Lips brush your neck
Body pulsating
Trying to fight
Titillation radiating
We tremble
Gasp for air
Palpitate
Scream and swear
Intense and intimate
As tender as ever
Falling into your arms
Wherever, whenever
Thighs quiver
Arms shake
Sweat drips
We both ache
Expiring
Before a last embrace
Heads spinning
All over the place
Shared sweet nothings
As we part
Catching our breathe
Following this euphoric art
The darkest place
You don’t think you were made for this world
You hope to escape
Maybe run away to another place
You feel like a burden
One that just needs to be lifted
So you never have to worry again
You want to be so selfish
But thinking of the hurt you would cause stops you every time
You like to imagine that no one would notice if you were gone
But it would just cause a domino effect
You’re ridden with guilt
Every stolen breath you take
Wishing you could just lay your head
Not being woken from your eternal sleep
Fall from grace
In between healing her heart and finding herself, she stumbled across him
He needed a hand getting back up
They dug deep for strength and lifted each other up
Little did they know they would get so high they would end up on cloud 9
Something special, one of a kind
Patiently taking their time, to enhance each other’s lives
Slowly dropping their guard, starting to ask each other why
Not expecting what came next
A close bond, best friends in every respect
Falling for a partner in crime
Knowing they’ve still got a mountain to climb
Scared, excited and slightly apprehensive
Listening, learning and not being so defensive
Holding out a hand when the other needs it most
Not being afraid to open up and pull the other close
Chalk and cheese
How long were we broken for?
Happy memories so hard to recall
We moved to different rhythms
One the river, gushing fast
The other a gust of wind, which occasionally passed
Finding solace in the strangest places
No longer recognising the familiar faces
Almost a sentence we committed ourselves too
relentless misery through and through
Not implying one was solely to blame
hanging on in selfishness and vain
One too cowardly to admit
the other too scared to deal with it
from the outside it seems so easy to do
but how do you leave someone who loves you
forced to say there is nothing left
that we tried our best I guess
to realise you were never well matched
that you be happier alone, that’s a fact
when all the effort is for nothing
all the threats, you were never bluffing
all things we shouldn’t have said
all in anger and feeling misled
it was not who we are, just the situation
only saying things out of mere frustration
but it’s okay, we can let it go
those times are from a stone throw
Don’t let go
Sometimes we see the murky
Picture things that would break
The closest hearts
We imagine empty spaces
Things that would make
Others fall apart
We wish the worst
Things we could never tell a soul
Thinking taboo thoughts
That would only leave damning holes
For many it seems selfish
Whereas it’s merely misunderstood
How someone is feeling
Only pondering what could
It’s hard being your own worst critic
Even harder trying to explain
Always feeling rather awkward
Never any plain sail
So when things are tough
And you feel like you can’t go on
Hold on tight
look out for the shining sun
No smoke without fire
Lingering embers sting
Although the love was extinguished a while ago
You never forget the heat of being burnt
Like a lesson, reminder to not get to close to the flame
It’s so hard not to take the risk
And expose yourself to something so warm, familiar
Without it, you can feel so alone
Cold. In the depths of the iceiest thoughts
Darker
Darker than a moonless sky
The night engulfs her
The cold breeze hits her face
Sending her cheeks flushed pink
You can see the glaze in her eyes
As the street light catches a glimpse
Shivers travel down her spine
As she weaves in and out of the passersby
Finally alone
Deserted
So quiet she can hear her own heart beat
Palpitations
Thumping in her throat
Pacing quickly
Quietly
Looking back
Shadows follow her every move
She slips out of sight
Safe in between dusk and dawn
Footsteps creep
The door locks
She holds her breath
The creak of the door
Fills the empty silence
Hearing thoughts
Smelling fear
Reeking of desperation
Terror is reflected in her eyes
Whispers of light trickle across the room
Slipping through the curtains
Dripping under the door frames
Flickers of hope scurry past
Affliction
I breath you in and I breath you out
An addiction I couldn’t live without
I tried to kick you, I succumb every time
Always ending in matter over mind
I tried to go cold turkey and others fed me
I tried a new vice and it didn’t suffice
They said in time I’d be okay
That didn’t take the pain away
So many times I fell off the wagon
So many times I began to sadden
Reruns of memories that were happier times
So many nightmares of my demise
Some days I feel like you’re still under my skin
That I’m poisoned, from within
Novembre 13
Pained screams
And yet a deadly silence fills the air
Many around
Surrounded by fear
Noises that halt bystanders
Flashes of orange and blue
Desperate family
Trying to locate you
Mistaken car backfire
Hiding in the shadows
Screams to get down
Terror follows
Emergency calls
Empty faces
People everywhere
Trying to cover all bases
Cries of heartbreak
Tears of relief
Utter shell shock
pure disbelief
Ultimate bravery
From hostages and emergency service
Fight, freeze or flight
All asking what’s the purpose
Hundreds injured
130 innocent lives taken
Paris will never be the same
We can’t be mistaken
Remember the names of those lost
Rather than focus on the hate
Celebrate their lives
Rather than promoting a terror debate
Make love not war
Cherish what you have got
Novembre 13
Those taken will never be forgot
Born to be Wilde
While laying in the gutter
He taught us to look at the stars
To only be ourselves
And not love from afar
To live
not just exist
As for temptation, not to resist
Forgive your enemies
Keep love in your heart
That being loved
means you’re not poor for a start
That through a mask
We tell the truth
All women become their mother’s
We’re all living proof
That it’s better to be spoken of
That not at all
Hearts are made to be broken
And summers collapse
Into fall
That we don’t love someone
For clothes or appearance
That San Francisco is the location of disappearance
Experience is what we name our mistakes
You can pretend to have intelligence but wit you can’t fake
This wondrous wordsmith
Captured many a tale
Timeless words
Which never fail
To fill many with wit and wonder
And to make many mind ponder
Friends by association
Chest pulsation
Heart palpitation
Over whelming frustration
Body is just shaken
Trying to curb the agitation
Without Sleep deprivation
Needing to feel the elation
Without putting in the preparation
A reoccurring situation
Connection starvation
Undue hesitation
Considering your reputation
As well potential sensation
And other exploration
Using your imagination
impending cultivation
In any future relations
It’s only a matter of duration
And deciding on location
That comes into the equation
To whether it ends in celebration
Or unwanted aggravation
For now it’s only a consideration
Of what could look like desperation
The Bay
You push your feet into the sand
Feel the heat as it beats down on your face
You stroll down to the water
Every hair out of place
The gentle breeze tries to linger
You beg for it stay
Skin starts to tingle
Suncream keeping the freckles at bay
So much laughter
Heard over the waves as they crash down
Footprints disappear
Squinty eyes, no one wearing a frown
Headphones in with music on
Daydreams take you away
Nowhere else you’d rather be
Than on a beach in Byron bay
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