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Posts tagged “loss

Remembering Rita

Rita, Walter and Diane

Reunited at last

Here’s some family memories

A little blast from the past

Barry White songs fill the house as she cleans

Turkish night club adventures

Earning her the name disco queen

Taking her girls to London

To sight see the city

Twisting Jock’s arm to learn to drive

Oh what a pity

Micra and fiesta adventures

Made many of us laugh

Just as much as when Walter

Mistook her potatoes for instant mash

This power house woman drove her daughter in labour

Through stormy weather, what a saviour

Through her loss she found love

Teddy bear was the apple of her eye

As were her feline friends

Later in life

Karate chop curtain falls and stair lift rides

Always resulting in a grandchild beaming with pride

Summer house, home cooked chips

And playing dominoes

Getting myself trapped in the downstairs loo

Door breakdown, everyone full of oh O’s

Braving college and solo holidays

Who would have thought

Ever changing hair colour

Every cleaning product she bought

Singing while she hoovers

‘Cutting apples’ in the car

Feeding the kids mini pizzas and frozen mars bars

With her avid QVC shipping

The postie soon learnt her name

A massive Martina Cole book fan

Who could blame

Now I’ll close this poem

Sending all our love

Hoping you’re some place better

Or looking down from above

Mother, grandma, great gran

And friend to plenty

Rita Richardson

You’ll be missed by many

Last night

Last night

You were here

Holding my hand in bed before we fell asleep

Last night

I heard you tell me you love me

Last night

I felt you arms around me

Your face pressed up against mine beaming with delight

I’ve been trying to fill the void that is our memories

I’ve been tuning out the words you once whispered

But my heart hasn’t forgotten

Each thump reminding me

Each gasp even more breathing taking than the next

In another time and space

You’re in love with an idea of us

An alternate universe

Where you don’t get angry

And I don’t cry

Where we laugh

And smile

Where I’m always calm

And you don’t lie

You’re in love with a girl

That doesn’t exist

One who’s happiness persists

You’re in love with an idea

That’s counterproductive

Painful and soul destructive

With a heavy heart

Just because someone carries pain well

Doesn’t mean it’s not heavy

You shouldn’t have to suffer

Before you’re appreciated or loved

Someone should want you as you are

You shouldn’t have to continuously remind someone why you should be loved

What your worth

To make you a priority

Don’t beg for their heart, time or consideration

It will end in two losses, they lose you and you lose your former self

Fresh eyes

You’re telling me of your pain

How much you’re hurting

How difficult things are

Pointless apologies

As you don’t even know why you’re sorry

Vague thank yous

Appreciation for things you can’t even list

You don’t miss me

You miss what I did for you

Things are difficult

Because you miss the company

And having someone to care

It’s a selfish kind of pain

You haven’t acknowledged your loss

You haven’t reflected on why

You haven’t dug deep and thought about anyone but yourself

I’m looking deep though

I’m watering myself

And watching myself grow


I’m understanding my flaws

Being honest with myself

Not rushing anymore

I’m becoming the right person

Not looking for one

Finding things that make me happy

Setting the bar high

For myself and my future

I’m civil and polite to you

I care still so wish you the best but I don’t need to tell you that

You know from my actions and the many times I told you

Thank you for all the memories

All the pain that made me stronger

And the lessons you taught me

I have no hate

I’m just investing all that love in myself these days

Garden her

No one has to understand your choices

Your anger

Your pain

Your happiness

Focus on a better life

A better you

Do all the things you really want to do

In elation

And in fear

Hold hands with fate

Take the rough with the smooth

Let life just happen

The struggles melt away

Change the environment

And watch this flower bloom

I am trying

I am insecure

I am scared

I do make excuses

I do take things too personally

I can be unreasonable

I can be exasperating

I do argue

And take things the wrong way

I talk way too much

And go over things, wanting clarity when the other person just wants it to be done

When I’m frustrated, I don’t listen

I interrupt, raise my voice

Sometimes I don’t think before I speak

I’m bad at articulating myself

I’m an anxious person

I overthink

I sometimes don’t give people enough space

I ask for reassurance a lot which can hurt people

I cry when I’m angry, mainly with myself

Nobody criticises me the way I do

I am human

I am always willing to grow

I do want to be better and change

I reflect all the time

I try to come up with solutions even if I struggle to always execute them well

I love fiercely

I want to see people happy even if that means them not wanting to be in my life

I will hold my hands up

I am trying to learn from my mistakes

I am trying to learn self love

I am trying

How are you today

On her worst days

She almost dies inside

Holding her breath

No time to bide

On her bad days

She can’t even bear her reflection

No good deed or compliment

Will change her perception

On the okay days

She gives a half hearted smile

Tries to listen to her head

And not let her mind run a mile

On the good days

She doesn’t fake a smile

She doesn’t force a laugh

Or let her thoughts linger for a while

On the great days

She feels she deserves to be loved

She stands up for herself

Telling the world she’s enough

On the best days

She’s on top of the world

Thinks just about herself

Like she’s the only girl


Wandering foreign lands

Lost in thought

Trying to lose deadweight

Peace is sought

Acknowledging the bravery

Of being hundreds of miles away from home

Shedding any anxiety

Of feeling alone

Big ventures feeling so small

Fleeting comments seem to explode

So much beauty passes those eyes

Make sure you keep them open wide

Be present

Be mindful

Be here

This is the life worth living

Wander lustfully

Live big

Wandering the world alone

Tales of love

Sweet irony

Like a Shakespeare teaching

Woven with Greek tragedy

Heroic tendencies

Tripped up by a fatal flaw

Impending catastrophe

Fate meets applause

These myths of romance

Never end in a fairy tale

Keeping hope alive

Leading all on an endless trail

Of failed promises


A lack of passion

And undying connection

A heart praying for understanding

And reflection

Only human

Sometimes you have to break your own heart

You have to cry out every last fear, hurtful comment and failure

You have to say no to those that are pushing you to your limits

We are only human

We’re not perfect

We won’t always understand each other

We’ll get angry the other can’t see through our eyes

But we can love with so much good in our hearts

So next time you’re angry, annoyed or hurt

Remember you’ve survived every bad day up until now

No failure or fear has crushed you so far

You can defeat your demons

This pain is insignificant in the grand scheme of things

Leave behind the past

Don’t anticipate the future

Be present


We used to pick each other up

Elevate each other to different dimensions

Fighting the good fight

The dream team

You looked into my eyes with purpose

And we told each other how lucky we were to have found one another

The way I feel hasn’t wavered

Pretty sure I’d stay all day, all night

You are my best friend

I trust you with my life

My heart is heavy

I can feel we’re both lost

I just want you to reach out for my hand

And we’ll go wandering into the dark night together

You sob is so bittersweet

It’s the first time I have felt you feel rawly in months

But my heart aches hearing you choke up

And apologise

I realise

You’re just as exhausted as me

You just have a better poker face

You play a good game

I almost bought into your bluff

You’re drained and tired of being the only one leaned on

Like me, the weight on your shoulders has started to ache

The responsibility starts to lacerate

No quiet

Not one second to breathe

Feel like you could burst

With nothing to appease

Finding sanctuary

His squinty, smiling eyes

trace the shape of her rouged mouth

As his lips curl up

she leans in closer

Pressing her head against his chest

He runs his fingers through her hair

which washes over her

Like the tide over golden sands

This is her haven

A little piece of paradise

Within her local hell


through a shared silence

and telling facial expressions

It feels like a bubble

Muting the outside chaos

That has been boiling up

This company

Halts the disorder

Putting it on a simmer

As his hands run up

along her side

She feels every word

He’s never said

Stroked on her skin

How he paints on this glow

With nothing more than a smile

She’ll never know


Like a child with a balloon

I’ve reached out more times than you know

As we’ve felt the wind pushing us apart

I’ve held my breath

Anxious and scared

When I’m at the peak

And start to feel everything tumble

Just being close to you

One breath on my neck

Hand on my leg

Clasp of my hand

And I’m grounded

The safest place is by your side

When you lay next to me

Holding my hand as we drift off

I never want to let go


I feel your hot breath

As we lock eyes

Our bodies touch

Feeling hypnotised

Hands clasped

You pull me close

Feeling almost


Skin tingles

Pounding hearts

Chest to chest

The tension starts

Lips brush your neck

Body pulsating

Trying to fight

Titillation radiating

We tremble

Gasp for air


Scream and swear

Intense and intimate

As tender as ever

Falling into your arms

Wherever, whenever

Thighs quiver

Arms shake

Sweat drips

We both ache


Before a last embrace

Heads spinning

All over the place

Shared sweet nothings

As we part

Catching our breathe

Following this euphoric art

The darkest place

You don’t think you were made for this world

You hope to escape

Maybe run away to another place

You feel like a burden

One that just needs to be lifted

So you never have to worry again

You want to be so selfish

But thinking of the hurt you would cause stops you every time

You like to imagine that no one would notice if you were gone

But it would just cause a domino effect

You’re ridden with guilt

Every stolen breath you take

Wishing you could just lay your head

Not being woken from your eternal sleep

One way single

Where to begin

don’t know where to start

Probably best

With the broken heart

No one did any wrong

No one lost any trust

Taking different directions

This departure was a must

Took longer for one

To read between the lines

Trying hard to salvage

Love left in our minds

It always lingered

In the back of our heads

Were we compatible

Or just lonely instead

Trying to fill a void

And not waste our years

We clung on for dear life

Out of fear

Finally it was so obvious

It was a slap in the face

This upset and anger

Was displaced

Eyes opened

Making a leap of faith

One you were too scared

To ever make

Now it’s over

We can sigh a huge relief

No fear, upset or anger left

Only disbelief

So easy to hold on

For the wrong reasons

Nothing ever changed

As we moved through the seasons

So we take our time

To say one last goodbye

Disappear without a trace

No word of a lie

In the dark

Dark days are upon us
Smoke clouds the honest
Shrouded in misery
Up climbs the poison ivy
Suffocated by the strain
No one hears the call of pain
Hanging on by a thread
Slumber only leads to dread
Fountain of self doubt
Pouring out of every spout
Shadow cast in hidden places
Where no one ever faces
A cold chill begins to linger
You can feel it in your fingers
Shivers down your spine
Until someone finally calls time
Making for shelter
Hoping this isn't helter skelter

Under pressure

All these changes

You start to drown

Trying to stay afloat

And not to frown

All of this pressure

Being applied

Picking up the slack

With no guide

Feeling so lost

can't digest

All of this work

Leaving stressed

Even birthday breaks

And annual leave

Still left defeated

On my knees

Sleepless nights

Breed a short fuse

Making it hard

To ever be amused

The build up of frustration

Tears you down

The amount of responsibility

Still a high mound

Left crying and baffled

By those who can manage

Leading to two weeks

Dragged off by the crazy carriage

Mean girls

For all the broken sleep, awkward encounters and no replies

Not a fair exchange, for all the hurt, anger and lies

Wracking yourself with guilt, for something you don’t feel is worth fixing

All for a friendship you haven’t even been missing

It lacked support, interaction and worse an interest from both sides

Any smart person would choose to cut the ties

The lack of communication did hinder

Only for them to listen to a chinese whisper

Not even enough faith to ask another opinion

Well it’s no surprise from a queen bee’s minion

Love is

Love isn’t 

making excuses for the behaviour of others

Love isn’t 

sharing your partner with another

Love isn’t  

a forced interest as she likes it

Love isn’t 

Snooping around a bit

Love isn’t 

knowing where they always are

Love isn’t 

Giving in before it goes to far

Love is

Disagreements with comprise

Love is 

Seeing things eventually from the other side

Love is

Never giving up

Love is 

Knowing you’re always enough

Love is 

Always patient, effortless and certain

Love is

Never a choice between you and another person

Love is

What makes the world go round

Love is

Sometimes lost but always found

Love is everything

Love can be yours

Love is timeless

Opening so many doors

Love is immortal

And always in our hearts 

No matter 

How far apart 

Unrest at its best 

Long days
Infuriating conversations
Someone else’s troubles
Unexpected situations
Restless, tired
And unwilling to apologise
For other actions
That seem dramatised
So much tough love
In an insensitive world
Barely pleases or thanks
Only wisdom pearls
Empathy and sympathy
Everyone seems to lack
No longer giving anyone a break
Or cutting any slack
We’re all human
Having our limits
I thought before now
I’d probably hit it
So when you feel like
You’re on the edge
Take a step back
From the ledge
Stop thinking
And just let go
Of any negative seeds
Others try to sow
Breathe out the bad
Inhaling the peace
Until negative energy
Does cease
Nothing is worth your tears
If it does not break your heart
Imagine your life long love
And you being torn apart
Losing family
Or not taking a chance
So only entertain
Those that would enhance
That make life worth living
Give you extra direction
Who would always share love
And an undying affection
Don’t forget, pay it forward
The love you receive
and what you give back
You’ll never believe

To my younger self

All these years

Of built up walls

A closed off heart

The rise and falls

Giving chances 

To the undeserving

Feeling on edge

So unnerving

So many wasted tears

feelings and time

Searching in the wrong places

For someone to call mine 

Silly mind games

Playing hot and cold

Never listening

To what I was told

The selfish, arrogant 

and darn right deceitful 

Only wishing for the loving

and peaceful 

So many times burnt

You think one would learn

The worth of her time 

Well now it’s their turn

To regret what they lost

And ponder what’s here

Looking for acceptance

Pushing past fear

They say to gain

You must take risks 

Even with a chance

That you may miss

Be left in misery 

Feeling all alone

Rather than

Settling with your heart of stone 

They say 

It’s better to have loved and lost

Some say the pain

Doesn’t out weight the cost

But for those believers

Who do possess it

Will be the first 

To confess it

Really is something not worth living without

Live life your way

Others always judge

having their say when it’s not requested

Noone knows your situation

or the love and time you’ve invested

They all think they know best

telling you what you shouldn’t and should

instead of letting you make your own mistakes

and not needing to be understood

They all have what ifs, myths 

and tell tales

but why let that stop you

taking a risk that may not fail

If we live our lives for others

only others will be happy

you’ll resent the situation you’re in

and end up feeling pretty crappy

so live your life by your rules

don’t justify it to anyone

start saying what you want

before all opportunities are gone

Be proud of your past choices

and the choices you are yet to make

they shape you as a person

even if it is one that is yet to wake