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Remembering Rita

Rita, Walter and Diane

Reunited at last

Here’s some family memories

A little blast from the past

Barry White songs fill the house as she cleans

Turkish night club adventures

Earning her the name disco queen

Taking her girls to London

To sight see the city

Twisting Jock’s arm to learn to drive

Oh what a pity

Micra and fiesta adventures

Made many of us laugh

Just as much as when Walter

Mistook her potatoes for instant mash

This power house woman drove her daughter in labour

Through stormy weather, what a saviour

Through her loss she found love

Teddy bear was the apple of her eye

As were her feline friends

Later in life

Karate chop curtain falls and stair lift rides

Always resulting in a grandchild beaming with pride

Summer house, home cooked chips

And playing dominoes

Getting myself trapped in the downstairs loo

Door breakdown, everyone full of oh O’s

Braving college and solo holidays

Who would have thought

Ever changing hair colour

Every cleaning product she bought

Singing while she hoovers

‘Cutting apples’ in the car

Feeding the kids mini pizzas and frozen mars bars

With her avid QVC shipping

The postie soon learnt her name

A massive Martina Cole book fan

Who could blame

Now I’ll close this poem

Sending all our love

Hoping you’re some place better

Or looking down from above

Mother, grandma, great gran

And friend to plenty

Rita Richardson

You’ll be missed by many


Last night

Last night

You were here

Holding my hand in bed before we fell asleep

Last night

I heard you tell me you love me

Last night

I felt you arms around me

Your face pressed up against mine beaming with delight

I’ve been trying to fill the void that is our memories

I’ve been tuning out the words you once whispered

But my heart hasn’t forgotten

Each thump reminding me

Each gasp even more breathing taking than the next


In another time and space

You’re in love with an idea of us

An alternate universe

Where you don’t get angry

And I don’t cry

Where we laugh

And smile

Where I’m always calm

And you don’t lie

You’re in love with a girl

That doesn’t exist

One who’s happiness persists

You’re in love with an idea

That’s counterproductive

Painful and soul destructive


With a heavy heart

Just because someone carries pain well

Doesn’t mean it’s not heavy

You shouldn’t have to suffer

Before you’re appreciated or loved

Someone should want you as you are

You shouldn’t have to continuously remind someone why you should be loved

What your worth

To make you a priority

Don’t beg for their heart, time or consideration

It will end in two losses, they lose you and you lose your former self


Fresh eyes

You’re telling me of your pain

How much you’re hurting

How difficult things are

Pointless apologies

As you don’t even know why you’re sorry

Vague thank yous

Appreciation for things you can’t even list

You don’t miss me

You miss what I did for you

Things are difficult

Because you miss the company

And having someone to care

It’s a selfish kind of pain

You haven’t acknowledged your loss

You haven’t reflected on why

You haven’t dug deep and thought about anyone but yourself

I’m looking deep though

I’m watering myself

And watching myself grow

Blooming

I’m understanding my flaws

Being honest with myself

Not rushing anymore

I’m becoming the right person

Not looking for one

Finding things that make me happy

Setting the bar high

For myself and my future

I’m civil and polite to you

I care still so wish you the best but I don’t need to tell you that

You know from my actions and the many times I told you

Thank you for all the memories

All the pain that made me stronger

And the lessons you taught me

I have no hate

I’m just investing all that love in myself these days


Garden her

No one has to understand your choices

Your anger

Your pain

Your happiness

Focus on a better life

A better you

Do all the things you really want to do

In elation

And in fear

Hold hands with fate

Take the rough with the smooth

Let life just happen

The struggles melt away

Change the environment

And watch this flower bloom


I am trying

I am insecure

I am scared

I do make excuses

I do take things too personally

I can be unreasonable

I can be exasperating

I do argue

And take things the wrong way

I talk way too much

And go over things, wanting clarity when the other person just wants it to be done

When I’m frustrated, I don’t listen

I interrupt, raise my voice

Sometimes I don’t think before I speak

I’m bad at articulating myself

I’m an anxious person

I overthink

I sometimes don’t give people enough space

I ask for reassurance a lot which can hurt people

I cry when I’m angry, mainly with myself

Nobody criticises me the way I do

I am human

I am always willing to grow

I do want to be better and change

I reflect all the time

I try to come up with solutions even if I struggle to always execute them well

I love fiercely

I want to see people happy even if that means them not wanting to be in my life

I will hold my hands up

I am trying to learn from my mistakes

I am trying to learn self love

I am trying


How are you today

On her worst days

She almost dies inside

Holding her breath

No time to bide

On her bad days

She can’t even bear her reflection

No good deed or compliment

Will change her perception

On the okay days

She gives a half hearted smile

Tries to listen to her head

And not let her mind run a mile

On the good days

She doesn’t fake a smile

She doesn’t force a laugh

Or let her thoughts linger for a while

On the great days

She feels she deserves to be loved

She stands up for herself

Telling the world she’s enough

On the best days

She’s on top of the world

Thinks just about herself

Like she’s the only girl


Wanderlust

Wandering foreign lands

Lost in thought

Trying to lose deadweight

Peace is sought

Acknowledging the bravery

Of being hundreds of miles away from home

Shedding any anxiety

Of feeling alone

Big ventures feeling so small

Fleeting comments seem to explode

So much beauty passes those eyes

Make sure you keep them open wide

Be present

Be mindful

Be here

This is the life worth living

Wander lustfully

Live big


Wandering the world alone

Tales of love

Sweet irony

Like a Shakespeare teaching

Woven with Greek tragedy

Heroic tendencies

Tripped up by a fatal flaw

Impending catastrophe

Fate meets applause

These myths of romance

Never end in a fairy tale

Keeping hope alive

Leading all on an endless trail

Of failed promises

imperfection

A lack of passion

And undying connection

A heart praying for understanding

And reflection


Only human

Sometimes you have to break your own heart

You have to cry out every last fear, hurtful comment and failure

You have to say no to those that are pushing you to your limits

We are only human

We’re not perfect

We won’t always understand each other

We’ll get angry the other can’t see through our eyes

But we can love with so much good in our hearts

So next time you’re angry, annoyed or hurt

Remember you’ve survived every bad day up until now

No failure or fear has crushed you so far

You can defeat your demons

This pain is insignificant in the grand scheme of things

Leave behind the past

Don’t anticipate the future

Be present


Burden

We used to pick each other up

Elevate each other to different dimensions

Fighting the good fight

The dream team

You looked into my eyes with purpose

And we told each other how lucky we were to have found one another

The way I feel hasn’t wavered

Pretty sure I’d stay all day, all night

You are my best friend

I trust you with my life

My heart is heavy

I can feel we’re both lost

I just want you to reach out for my hand

And we’ll go wandering into the dark night together

You sob is so bittersweet

It’s the first time I have felt you feel rawly in months

But my heart aches hearing you choke up

And apologise

I realise

You’re just as exhausted as me

You just have a better poker face

You play a good game

I almost bought into your bluff

You’re drained and tired of being the only one leaned on

Like me, the weight on your shoulders has started to ache

The responsibility starts to lacerate

No quiet

Not one second to breathe

Feel like you could burst

With nothing to appease


Finding sanctuary

His squinty, smiling eyes

trace the shape of her rouged mouth

As his lips curl up

she leans in closer

Pressing her head against his chest

He runs his fingers through her hair

which washes over her

Like the tide over golden sands

This is her haven

A little piece of paradise

Within her local hell

Communicating

through a shared silence

and telling facial expressions

It feels like a bubble

Muting the outside chaos

That has been boiling up

This company

Halts the disorder

Putting it on a simmer

As his hands run up

along her side

She feels every word

He’s never said

Stroked on her skin

How he paints on this glow

With nothing more than a smile

She’ll never know


Anchored

Like a child with a balloon

I’ve reached out more times than you know

As we’ve felt the wind pushing us apart

I’ve held my breath

Anxious and scared

When I’m at the peak

And start to feel everything tumble

Just being close to you

One breath on my neck

Hand on my leg

Clasp of my hand

And I’m grounded

The safest place is by your side

When you lay next to me

Holding my hand as we drift off

I never want to let go


Art

I feel your hot breath

As we lock eyes

Our bodies touch

Feeling hypnotised

Hands clasped

You pull me close

Feeling almost

Comatose

Skin tingles

Pounding hearts

Chest to chest

The tension starts

Lips brush your neck

Body pulsating

Trying to fight

Titillation radiating

We tremble

Gasp for air

Palpitate

Scream and swear

Intense and intimate

As tender as ever

Falling into your arms

Wherever, whenever

Thighs quiver

Arms shake

Sweat drips

We both ache

Expiring

Before a last embrace

Heads spinning

All over the place

Shared sweet nothings

As we part

Catching our breathe

Following this euphoric art


The darkest place

You don’t think you were made for this world

You hope to escape

Maybe run away to another place

You feel like a burden

One that just needs to be lifted

So you never have to worry again

You want to be so selfish

But thinking of the hurt you would cause stops you every time

You like to imagine that no one would notice if you were gone

But it would just cause a domino effect

You’re ridden with guilt

Every stolen breath you take

Wishing you could just lay your head

Not being woken from your eternal sleep


Fall from grace

In between healing her heart and finding herself, she stumbled across him

He needed a hand getting back up

They dug deep for strength and lifted each other up

Little did they know they would get so high they would end up on cloud 9

Something special, one of a kind

Patiently taking their time, to enhance each other’s lives

Slowly dropping their guard, starting to ask each other why

Not expecting what came next

A close bond, best friends in every respect

Falling for a partner in crime

Knowing they’ve still got a mountain to climb

Scared, excited and slightly apprehensive 

Listening, learning and not being so defensive 

Holding out a hand when the other needs it most 

Not being afraid to open up and pull the other close


The tale of a gentlewoman

All she ever wanted

was to give her heart to a deserving suitor

Her prized possession

had a little wear and tear

but was still fully functioning

Most wanted one with all the bells and whistles

but she was waiting for a man

that wanted an old antique with some charm

Her heart was sore

she didn’t know how to feel anymore

Lump in her throat, it was hard to breathe

wishing everyone would just leave

so much chatter in her head

trying not to see red

She heard the cries

and whispers in the wind

Not sure of which way she was going

she took a deep breath

and told herself it didn’t matter

as long as she didn’t stop

They met in a dark place

the shadows made it hard to see

So many times they stumbled

but patience and communication were key

She intently listened

held her hand out for him to find

Knew she should share her thoughts

as he couldn’t read her mind

Her face trembled

as the tears brimmed to the top

She’d been holding it together so long

she was ready to pop

She put on a brave face

as he pulled her close

Baby, what’s wrong?

tears streamed as if she’d just seen a ghost


Chalk and cheese

How long were we broken for?

Happy memories so hard to recall

We moved to different rhythms

One the river, gushing fast

The other a gust of wind, which occasionally passed

Finding solace in the strangest places

No longer recognising the familiar faces

Almost a sentence we committed ourselves too

relentless misery through and through

Not implying one was solely to blame

hanging on in selfishness and vain

One too cowardly to admit

the other too scared to deal with it

from the outside it seems so easy to do

but how do you leave someone who loves you

forced to say there is nothing left

that we tried our best I guess

to realise you were never well matched

that you be happier alone, that’s a fact

when all the effort is for nothing

all the threats, you were never bluffing

all things we shouldn’t have said

all in anger and feeling misled

it was not who we are, just the situation

only saying things out of mere frustration

but it’s okay, we can let it go

those times are from a stone throw

 

 

 

 


Don’t let go

Sometimes we see the murky

Picture things that would break

The closest hearts

We imagine empty spaces

Things that would make

Others fall apart

We wish the worst

Things we could never tell a soul

Thinking taboo thoughts

That would only leave damning holes

For many it seems selfish

Whereas it’s merely misunderstood

How someone is feeling

Only pondering what could

It’s hard being your own worst critic

Even harder trying to explain

Always feeling rather awkward

Never any plain sail

So when things are tough

And you feel like you can’t go on

Hold on tight

look out for the shining sun


No smoke without fire

Lingering embers sting

Although the love was extinguished a while ago

You never forget the heat of being burnt

Like a lesson, reminder to not get to close to the flame

It’s so hard not to take the risk

And expose yourself to something so warm, familiar

Without it, you can feel so alone

Cold. In the depths of the iceiest thoughts

 

 


Darker

Darker than a moonless sky
The night engulfs her
The cold breeze hits her face
Sending her cheeks flushed pink
You can see the glaze in her eyes
As the street light catches a glimpse
Shivers travel down her spine
As she weaves in and out of the passersby
Finally alone
Deserted
So quiet she can hear her own heart beat
Palpitations
Thumping in her throat
Pacing quickly
Quietly
Looking back
Shadows follow her every move
She slips out of sight
Safe in between dusk and dawn
Footsteps creep
The door locks
She holds her breath

The creak of the door
Fills the empty silence
Hearing thoughts
Smelling fear
Reeking of desperation
Terror is reflected in her eyes

Whispers of light trickle across the room
Slipping through the curtains
Dripping under the door frames
Flickers of hope scurry past

 

 


Affliction

I breath you in and I breath you out
An addiction I couldn’t live without
I tried to kick you, I succumb every time
Always ending in matter over mind
I tried to go cold turkey and others fed me
I tried a new vice and it didn’t suffice
They said in time I’d be okay
That didn’t take the pain away
So many times I fell off the wagon
So many times I began to sadden
Reruns of memories that were happier times
So many nightmares of my demise
Some days I feel like you’re still under my skin
That I’m poisoned, from within


Novembre 13

Pained screams
And yet a deadly silence fills the air
Many around
Surrounded by fear
Noises that halt bystanders
Flashes of orange and blue
Desperate family
Trying to locate you
Mistaken car backfire
Hiding in the shadows
Screams to get down
Terror follows
Emergency calls
Empty faces
People everywhere
Trying to cover all bases
Cries of heartbreak
Tears of relief
Utter shell shock
pure disbelief
Ultimate bravery
From hostages and emergency service
Fight, freeze or flight
All asking what’s the purpose
Hundreds injured
130 innocent lives taken
Paris will never be the same
We can’t be mistaken
Remember the names of those lost
Rather than focus on the hate
Celebrate their lives
Rather than promoting a terror debate
Make love not war
Cherish what you have got
Novembre 13
Those taken will never be forgot